Buckle up, we've got a relegation six-pointer on tap this Sunday! The bumbling Toffees of Everton host the toothless Cherries of Bournemouth at Goodison Park. 

Both these teams are still searching for win #1 this season. Everton's been a dumpster fire, losing 4 straight at home while scoring zero goals. 

Meanwhile, Bournemouth's found creative new ways to lose every week. Their defense is leakier to the core.

When these two sad sacks collide, hilarity will ensue! Neither side can defend, so expect some catastrophic blunders. And with confidence at rock bottom, pulling the trigger up front could prove tough too.

Everton vs Bournemouth

The match will take place on Sunday, 8th October, 2023, at Goodison Park

Clueless Everton Crumbles Against Little Luton

The mighty Everton team was hoping to turn things around after some bad losses this season. But playing at home, the Toffees got very nervous and sloppy against little Luton Town.

In front of their fans, Everton looked anxious and unsure of themselves. They made messy passes and let Luton control the game early.

Shaky Defense Gets Exposed

Everton's defense was very shaky all game. They gave up dangerous chances from Luton's corner kicks and free kicks.

Luton scored their first goal when Tom poked in a loose ball after a corner. Everton's defense was caught napping and didn't clear it fast enough. Uh oh!

Leaving Attackers Wide Open

For Luton's second goal, Everton left Carlton all alone at the back post. He had enough time to pick a spot and score!

Everton defenders weren't marking tightly or communicating. They let Luton attackers sneak behind them to score. More sloppy defending!

Few Chances Created Up Front

Everton's offense couldn't get much going either. Their passes were slow and predictable. Luton blocked all the lanes.

Even superstar Dominic Calvert-Lewin didn't have many chances before his goal. Everton's attack looked flat and short on ideas.

Subs Make Little Impact

Manager Sean Dyche tried bringing on some subs to spark Everton late in the game. But they couldn't create any good chances.

The subs came on too late and Everton kept sending in hopeful long balls. The late changes didn't energize or organize Everton's attack.

No Excuse For This Loss

After winning two straight on the road, Everton flopped badly back home. Their manager said "there are no excuses" for this loss against newcomers Luton.

Everton reverted to playing sloppy, nervous soccer in front of their own fans. Until they fix this, more disappointments are coming.

Angry Manager Demands More

A very angry Dyche said his team simply didn't compete hard enough, especially early on. He said they wasted a big chance to "change the story" of their season.

Dyche wants his players to bring energy and focus every single game, home and away. This loss showed Everton still has a long way to go to improve.

The manager says losses like this one drive him "mad." He is demanding much more intensity and consistency from Everton going forward.

Toffees Sink To Historic New Low

With this loss, Everton sank to a shocking new low. They became the first team ever to lose their first four home league games without scoring a single goal!

That is an awful record that shows just how much Everton is struggling. The Toffees are in crisis mode and need solutions fast.

Party Spoilers From Luton Town

Little Luton Town crashed Everton's party and made history with their first Premier League win since 1992!

The happy Hatters defended superbly and stayed organized. Everton's sloppy play gave them chances to grab goals.

This thrilling victory suggests plucky Luton could survive relegation this season. But for bungling Everton, the misery continues

Toothless Cherries Outclassed By Arsenal

Bournemouth looked nervous and unsure of themselves as Arsenal came flying out of the gates. The Cherries gave up space and got stretched out early.

Caught on their heels, Bournemouth never settled down and gave Arsenal too much respect. They failed to get a foothold in the match right from the start.

Clinical Finishing Punishes Bournemouth Mistakes

Arsenal was ruthlessly clinical, pouncing on any small Bournemouth mistakes. Their first goal came when Jesus' header bounced off the post right to Bukayo Saka, who finished the rebound.

Right before halftime, Eddie Nketiah drew a silly tackle in the box to earn a penalty converted by Martin Odegaard. Arsenal kept their composure to punish Bournemouth's errors.

Sloppy Defending Costs Goals

Bournemouth defended sloppily and paid the price. They failed to clear the ball on Arsenal's first goal, leaving Saka an easy finish.

Later on, Max Aarons made a clumsy tackle to give away a penalty right before halftime. Bournemouth hurt themselves with sloppy defending.

Shaky  in Attack

Going forward, Bournemouth posed almost no threat. Dominic Solanke wasted their only decent early chance to score.

The Cherries only managed a couple of tame shots all game. They couldn't put any passes together in Arsenal's end to create danger.

Changes Fail to Spark Attack

Manager Iraola tried to spark his team by subbing for fresh attackers like Siriki Dembele. But it made little difference.

Bournemouth continued to lack ideas and precision upfront after the changes. They never got their offense flowing against Arsenal's defense.

Lessons to Learn Against the Elite

After the match, manager Iraola admitted his team wasn't ready to compete with Arsenal's level. He said the performance showed how much they need to improve.

When facing elite teams like the Gunners, Bournemouth's weaknesses get exposed. Their players and managers will learn important lessons from this humbling defeat.

Predicted Lineups

Everton: J. Pickford, V. Mykolenko, J. Branthwaite, J. Tarkowski, Ashley Young, D. McNeil, I. Gueye, Amadou Onana, James Garner, A. Doucoure, D. Calvert-Lewin.

Bournemouth: Neto, Milos Kerkez, I. Zabani, M. Senesi, Max Aarons, Lewis Cook, P. Billing, J. Kluivert, R. Christie, M. Tavernier, D. Solanke.

Key Battles

In midfield, Everton's Amadou Onana takes on Bournemouth beanpole Philip Billing. Big Amadou better not slip on Billing's oil-slick hair!

Up front, Dominic Calvert-Lewin will try to out-pout Bournemouth's Dominic Solanke. Get ready for a mope-fest between these Eeyores!


Strap on your shin guards because it is now or never for both sides! Someone's finally gotta win when the EPL's two doormats meet on Sunday.